21-year-old girlfriend refuses to cover her large tattoos for visit with boyfriend's traditional grandparents, boyfriend tells her not to come: 'I told him respect goes both ways'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Apr 24, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Everyone has different opinions on tattoos. Some of us cover ourselves in ink, seeing our bodies as a canvas for self-expression and for the expression of talented artists. Some of us prefer small, meaningful tattoos that remind us of good memories or people we've lost. Some of us have no ink ourselves but like the look of it on others. And some of us think that tattoos are the most despicable, ugly thing in the world and we can't understand why anyone would disgrace their bodies with them. It's a whole spectrum. 

Whether or not you agree with any of these viewpoints, it's important that we all respect each other and, when we can, keep our opinions to ourselves. This, of course, isn't the way that the world always works. People have opinions and they want to share them and they want you to conform to their points of view. It's just the way it is. 

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to cover my tattoos for my boyfriend's family dinner?

    I'm (21F) a girl who has several tattoos (some big and quite visible), my boyfriend (26M) met me like that and I hadn't had any problem with it. He invited me to go to dinner with his family and I accepted, but he casually mentioned, "Maybe you could wear something with
    via u/IrinaVibe08
  • 02
    ABSTRA
    via Artem Beliaikin

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • When one tattoo-haver was confronted with the negative opinions of another, she wasn't quite sure what to do. She could either cover them up, thus sacrificing her individuality or show them and risk a relationship with a loved one's family. Read on to see what commenters thought she should do.

  • 03
    sleeves? Just so we don't start any drama." I asked what he meant, and he said his grandparents are very old-school and might not react well to my tattoos. He said he didn't want the night to be awkward.
    via u/IrinaVibe08
  • 04
    I told him I wasn't going to hide part of myself to make his family more comfortable. He said it's not about hiding, it's about respect. I told him respect goes both ways, and I shouldn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not.
    via u/IrinaVibe08
  • 05
    He got upset and said I was overreacting and making it a bigger deal than it is. I told him that I would go to the dinner but that I wouldn't cover my tattoos. But then he asked me to please not attend, that if I was only going to be difficult, it would be better not to be there.
    via u/IrinaVibe08
  • 06
    That really rubbed me the wrong way and made me feel confused, because I think maybe I did behave badly and I shouldn't have reacted so vehemently against the idea. I don't want to cause drama with his family, but I have had a hard time feeling comfortable in my skin and
    via u/IrinaVibe08
  • 07
    learning to deal with the stigma people have towards me because of my tattoos... and I don't want to go back and hide again, plus I don't think I would be honest with his family either if I show myself as I am not. So... AITA for refusing to cover my tattoos for the dinner?
    via u/IrinaVibe08
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10497624064
    via Manny Becerra

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09

    Commenters weighed in on whether or not this was worth fighting for.

    high_on_acrylic 15h ago . I don't think anyone is the AH, it just seems your values don't align on this issue. He values not rocking the boat, and you value your individual expression. There's also the expectation that if his family starts saying nasty things about
    via u/high_on_acrylic
  • 10
    you, it's his duty as the bridge between you and them to defend you and handle that conflict, which is a form of labor he might not be ready/willing/able to do at this point. I suggest you both sit down, explain what needs are and are not being met, and find some way to honor both your
    via u/high_on_acrylic
  • 11
    perspectives. It might be that you cover your tattoos the first time you go, and then don't cover them after a certain period of time (either after the first meeting or after a set number of meetings). It might mean you cover your tattoos but find some time in the night to show them and bring them up. This is the perfect thing to practice compromise and communication:)
    via u/high_on_acrylic
  • 12
    ondopondont 15h ago I have full sleeves. Been in this situation several times and I've gone both ways with it. With the wisdom of experience and age, I'd just cover it up. Not your partner's fault his grandparents are narrow minded and nothing he can do to change it. How much time do you expect to spend with them whislt they're still alive?
    via u/ondopondont
  • 13
    NTA - neither of you are... but do you desperately want to fight this one? If you win, he has to put up with their sh. Why bother? Doesn't achieve anything. How much do you really need them to know you have tattoos?
    via u/ondopondont
  • 14
    Lorazepam369 • 15h ago It depends on how much you expect to interact with his family and how important it is to you that they respect you. I have 2 jobs, one in childcare, one in elder care. I cover my tattoos where I work with the elderly because me "expressing
    via u/Lorazepam369
  • 15
    myself" or whatever isn't as important to me as making clients feel comfortable. I just...don't care that much if they accept me for me, and it's all indoors, so I cover them.
    via u/Lorazepam369
  • 16
    At my childcare job, however, I always make a point to wear short sleeves on interviews because I'll inevitably have to be at a park, doing a messy craft with my sleeves rolled up or whatever and I'm not going to be physically
    via u/Lorazepam369
  • 17
    uncomfortable for such a large portion of my life just to appease someone's values around tattoos. And when it comes to kids, I like to encourage self- expression and acceptance whereas the elderly are where they are and there's not much I can do about it.
    via u/Lorazepam369
  • 18
    If it were me, I'd make sure it wasn't my bfs veiled way of communicating that HE doesn't like tattoos, find out what this means as far as his boundaries with family (how often is he going to prioritize you over family and to what extent) and how important it is to him for you all to get along. If he's extremely
    via u/Lorazepam369
  • 19
    close with them and you'll see them a lot, then it might simply be a dealbreaker. You can't be expected to cover parts of yourself so often. But if it's truly just "hey, I see these people like twice a year and it'll be a whole thing so can you just cover them?" I'd definitely just cover them.
    via u/Lorazepam369
  • 20
    Relevant-Golf7886 • 15h ago YTA. You weren't asked to lie about who you are or cover - your tattoos forever you were asked to wear sleeves for one dinner to avoid unnecessary drama with his very old-school grandparents.
    via u/Relevant-Golf7886
  • 21
    You say, "I shouldn't have to pretend to be someone I'm not," but that's not what this was. This was about being thoughtful and respectful in someone else's home, around people with a different set of values. Whether you agree with them or not, the world doesn't revolve around your need for self-expression every minute of every day.
    via u/Relevant-Golf7886
  • 22
    Your boyfriend didn't insult your tattoos, he didn't shame you, and he didn't say you couldn't have them he asked for a small, - temporary compromise to make a family event go more smoothly. Instead of being flexible, you made it about you and blew it out of proportion. That's not self- respect. That's ego.
    via u/Relevant-Golf7886
  • 23
    If you can't make one small concession to support your partner when he's trying to juggle two worlds, you and his family - then you're not ready for a serious relationship. You chose pride over partnership. That's on you. YTA.
    via u/Relevant-Golf7886
  • 24
    Bulldog_Mama14 • 15h ago Idk, I would have just covered my tattoos. And I have a lot. Not showing them the first time you meet doesn't mean not showing them forever.
    via u/Bulldog_Mama14
  • 25
    Ok-Calligrapher1... • 15h ago Is there something you're not including, like why can't the grandparents see tattoos? Why would it be disrespectful for them to see?
    via u/Ok-Calligrapher1345
  • 26
    look... • 15h ago Edited 14h ago So, I have friends who are tattoo artists, friends with freaky funky tattoos on their face and all over their bodies, so I'm not fuddy-duddy anti- tattoo. But, if your personality is SO linked and dependant upon showing everybody your tattoos, then you need to accept the reactions to your body-art. Whether in
    via u/lookthepenguins
  • 27
    professional settings or settings with ancient oldies from another era or whether you travel to Japan where tattooed folk are simply not permitted entry to hot-springs or public baths. You're entitled to have whatever body-art you want and other folk are entitled to feel whatever they like about them. Sad but true. Nobody s ks here.
    via u/lookthepenguins
  • 28
    - edit probably ESH, except the bf caught between a rock & hard place. He's not asking her to cover up ALL the time, just for the ancient grandparents.
    via u/lookthepenguins

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